Author: Mike Cameron

What Gets Measured Gets Managed

November 5, 2021 (updated November 5, 2021) Published by
Audio Blog

Peter Drucker is one of the most often quoted business management guru’s. He has been referred to as “The founder of modern management.” I have learned to appreciate his wisdom over the years and often look to his work in order to help me “Get things done”. 

This week I want to unpack the following quote that often gets attributed to him.  

“What gets measured, gets managed”.

Peter Drucker

As someone who is not much for budgets or plans and who often will “wing it” more than I “plan it” I want to tell you how I have found this phrase to be useful in my business. 

If you have followed my work you know that I am absolutely not a fan of goal setting in the traditional manner. In fact I think that much of the challenges we have as a society stems from putting the wrong things on the scorecard. With this in mind I will add the caution that needs to come with the “What gets measured gets managed” statement. 

Before we start with any program of improvement we need to make sure we are measuring the right things!! 

Trust me that I know full well that many of the important things in life are incredibly difficult to quantify. However, when you marry “What gets measured gets managed” with Eckert Tolle’s “With awareness comes choice” you get a powerful combination. 

I have long maintained that in order to achieve success you need to be more committed to the process than you are interested in the outcome. This means that when I set my measures I set them based on how well me and my team have committed to, and executed on, the process rather than how well we have achieved our desired outcome. 

I certainly need to make sure I am paying attention to the outcomes in order to be able to tweak the process if needed; however, my primary focus is on tracking how well me and my team adhere to the process. Outcomes are not always under our control, our process almost always is. 

In my 25+ years of business, more often than not, any failure to meet outcomes came as a result of a lack of adherence to the process rather than a flaw in the process itself. Understanding that this is the case, it became clear that I need to spend more time measuring the process rather than the outcomes. 

In order to ensure that I am measuring the right things I always make sure that all of these measures are weighed against the organizational (or individual) purpose. I also make certain that they are always aligned with the core values. 

One of my biggest challenges is a struggle with focus. Another quote I am quite fond of is one from Steven Covey. Covey says: 

“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”

Stephen Covey

With this in mind I have created a weekly scorecard that I use for myself as well as share with my clients in order to ensure that what matters gets measured and that I have a clear direction at any point in time to understand what truly matters. Below is a breakdown of what I put on my weekly scorecard. This is always an evolution and I would encourage you to find your own measures. You can use this template I created as a starting point. Simply fill in the form at the bottom of this page and I will send you a copy.

Here is a brief summary of what I put on my scorecard. It may be useful to follow along with the template. 

Date/Period: Understanding that the measures on these scorecards are point in time measures and they do not become part of my personal or organizational identity.

Purpose: What is my/our bigger purpose as an individual or as an organization?

Why do we exist as an organization?

Having this front and center on every scorecard is paramount. When we stay true to our purpose it makes it that much more likely that we continue to measure the right things.

Values: Our values give us the foundational “how” we achieve our purpose. They provide us with our north star, our guiding light. They are the measuring stick against which all of our processes are held up against.

The Main Thing: For me this is a weekly objective. Often the current ‘main thing’ is one of many various projects that need to be accomplished. When I clearly identify what the “Main Thing” is then it actually gets done. As a guy that struggles with focus and in fact thrives on variety it can be challenging to finish projects. I am an excellent starter! Can you relate? I am great at getting things 90% complete, however it is that final 10% that I really need this section for.

Process Score: This is where I will list the actions or activities that need to be done on a regular basis to ensure success. While the specifics of the tasks may vary from week to week I generally know the type of thing that needs to get done. 

Humanity Score: These are the things that all of us as human beings need to thrive. These can be as simple as a happiness score from 1-10. Asking the question “Was I happy today?” can be incredibly powerful. If I look back at my scorecard and see that I am consistently answering this question with a ‘2’ then it is clear I need to make some adjustments.

What am I grateful for today? This is another question that I have on my scorecard as it allows my mind to search for the things that I am truly grateful for. Gratitude is the antidote to anxiety, worry, envy and fear. What good is a “high score” on the scorecard with no peace in our life or business. 

Reflection: 

Meaningful Connections: Here I spend a little time and recap any and all meaningful connections. Whether personal or business. This allows me to catch any action items I may have committed to out of those connections and ensure that I schedule appropriate follow up actions if I have not already done so. 

Start/Stop/Continue: The last thing I keep on my scorecard is the good ole start/stop/continue exercise. Simply having a placeholder for this on the weekly scorecard ensures that I am always taking a look at what is working as well as what may need improving.  

Conclusion

I remember when I worked for one of the big banks and every year we would host our TEL/TOL (Team Effectiveness Lab/Team Organizational Lab) events. It struck me that in the 6 years that I worked there the same issues were raised every single year. This clearly demonstrated that there was a disconnect between what employees were saying and what management was actually doing. We left these events with scorecards in hand, feedback given, yet somehow there was still a gap. 

Today I keep these scorecards simple and actionable on an individual level. If we want performance at the organizational level it ultimately comes down to how well each of the individual team members execute on their objectives. If you are a solopreneur these scorecards can help ensure that you focus on the main thing while you continue to execute all of the little pieces you need to daily.   

Get the template here

Scorecard Request
Accountability

Is Accountability the Secret Sauce to Productivity?

October 26, 2021 (updated October 26, 2021) Published by
Audio Blog

Productivity hacks, hustle culture and busy, busy, busy seem to be the prescription of the day. If you’ve followed me for any length of time you know I am not a fan of “busy”. As an executive coach who takes a very holistic view of those I work with, I am always looking to see what I can do to distill that magic formula. The one that allows my clients to do more, in less time so they can focus on what really matters to them. 

Sadly there is no one size fits all magic formula. Accepting that I will continue to share practices that you can implement in order for you to be more efficient and productive.  

I’ve shared time management strategies, I’ve studied a variety of different productivity methodologies but there is one thing I have seen as a common thread. Most of us will do whatever we can to avoid letting someone else down. Now, that’s not to say that we don’t all at some point or another run into situations where we fall short, but in my experience this want to live up to expectations is a powerful motivator. 

In fact, it is one of the primary tools that I use with clients to assist with productivity.

Accountability; The act of being accountable;

ac·count·a·ble
/əˈkoun(t)əb(ə)l/
adjective

  1. (of a person, organization, or institution) required or expected to justify actions or decisions; responsible.

Accountability is a key driver for productivity. How many times have you procrastinated on a project or task until you reach a point where you will finally be held accountable to someone that you finally get that job done? For me this TED talk, “Inside the mind of a master procrastinator” really rang true. It is well worth the time to watch it. 

Accountability is really about making a commitment to yourself, to someone directly or the public at large. We all like to honor our commitments and making a commitment to someone directly or making it publicly can be a powerful motivator.

Let’s unpack accountability a little bit and look at the different types of accountability.

Personal accountability

The subtitle of my book “When ‘Something’s Gotta Change’, Maybe It’s You!” is all about this. Personal accountability is about shifting the focus from external to internal. When Colleen was murdered, I had many friends and colleagues surround me, put their hand on my shoulder, shaking their head. They would mutter that phrase “Something’s gotta change”. 

I found that phrase became a bit of a mantra for me. I would wake up every morning and look in the mirror shaking my head saying “Something’s gotta change, something’s gotta change.” Day in, day out. Week in, week out I would just stare in that mirror and repeat that phrase “Something’s gotta change, Something’s gotta change”.

It wasn’t until I added those last three words that things really started to shift for me. That one day I stood in front of the mirror and said “Something’s gotta change…. Maybe it’s you, Mike, maybe it’s you.” 

What happened to her certainly wasn’t my fault. I could spend my days reflecting on all the things that needed to change in this world. I could lament what happened, shaking my head in despair or I could take personal accountability. I could become accountable to myself to do my best to become the change. 

It’s amazing how liberating it is when you shift to personal accountability. All of a sudden you are no longer beholden to a raft of things that are outside of your control. When you take personal accountability for your life all of a sudden you are in control. You have the power and it is incredibly freeing.   

Direct accountability

This is one of the many reasons why someone might hire a coach. Someone to hold them directly accountable for the things that they need to be getting done. There is a power when you make a commitment to someone specifically to get a thing accomplished.

As human beings we really do not like to fall short of our commitments. There are so many examples of the power of this. For me one of the best direct accountability examples is my early morning runs. Most mornings I pick Michelle up from her house at 5:30am to drive to our favourite river valley trail for our morning run. 

I am accountable to Michelle to show up and run. When my alarm goes off at 5am often the only thing that gets me out of bed is knowing that I have made a commitment to her to pick her up.

We see this kind of direct accountability in a variety of domains. It could be fitness with a workout buddy or a personal trainer. It may be in saving money with your financial planner.

When you have a goal you want to hit that is going to take some focused action, there are times when your personal discipline needs a little help. That is when finding someone to hold you directly accountable can be extremely powerful. Here are a few ways you can create some direct accountability in your life.

  • Hire a coach, trainer or other professional
    Finding a professional in whatever area you are striving in can be incredibly helpful. Not only can they assist with accountability but they can also give you some tools, techniques and tactics to ensure that you are maximizing your efficiency in achieving your goals.
  • Find an accountability buddy who is looking to accomplish something similar
    This is a simple, yet incredibly effective method. Just like Michelle and I hold each other accountable to get our runs done, I have made accountability pacts with business partners, friends and strangers who have common objectives.
  • Join a group of individuals who are striving for the same thing.
    Group dynamics can be powerful motivators. A group of people who are looking to accomplish similar goals can hold each other accountable while also cheering each other on.    

Public accountability

When I did my first Iron distance triathlon it was absolutely the most challenging physical activity I had undertaken up to that point. I remember when I first signed up for that race I knew that there was a refund period and that no one, except a select few knew that I had registered for the event. At that point in time I wasn’t really committed to the race at all. The few people who knew would certainly not hold me accountable as I would have been completely justified in bailing as a single dad and a business owner with a busy life. The race itself wouldn’t even hold me accountable as I could still get a full refund on my registration fees.

It wasn’t until I wrote a full blog post and shared it on social media that I really started to feel like I was actually committed to doing the work required to train for this event. Once I put it out there I felt very publicly accountable to get the job done. 

On the other side of the publicly accountable equation we have our political leaders, our business leaders, celebrities and the like that we, the public, hold accountable for their actions.    

Leadership

If you are a leader then part of your role is not only to be accountable but also to hold others accountable for what needs to be done as well as accountable for their actions. This is never as easy as it sounds. There are many different approaches to holding people accountable and as leaders it serves us well to recognize how individuals best respond to being held accountable. 

Compassionate accountability

This is an important piece to note. Accountability needs to be done with compassion. When we talk about compassion and empathy many people tend to think of this as weak. That we make excuses and let people off the hook. This doesn’t need to be the case. We can still have accountability with compassion. 

Compassion doesn’t mean that we excuse those who we are holding accountable from the consequences of their actions, it simply means that we do so with care, kindness and seek understanding. This is especially important when we are talking about personal or self accountability. If we don’t do so with compassion it is easy to turn personal accountability into personal judgement and self loathing. We can “should” all over ourselves and this is not at all productive.

When we can hold ourselves accountable with compassion we can accept that we fell short, chalk it up as a lesson to learn from and move forward with confidence. It is about accepting that because we did not do the thing doesn’t mean that we are a failure or worthless. There is lots of literature on self-compassion and if this one rings true for you then I would suggest having a look at the work by Dr. Kristen Neff here at https://self-compassion.org/   

Agreement vs. Expectation

This concept is a whole article in and of itself, however it is important to mention here. If we are going to hold people accountable then it is paramount that both those holding people to account and those being held accountable are on the same page. There have been many times when I have seen leaders frustrated because, in their eyes, team members were not being accountable to getting a job done. Yet when we dive a little deeper we see that what the team member thinks they agreed to is substantially different than the leader’s expectations. 

This can be a very big point of friction in any relationship. This is why it is incredibly important to make sure that you very clearly articulate any expectations and make sure that the person on the other end actually agrees to meet those expectations. When you are able to articulate your expectations and obtain an agreement to meet those expectations you now have a commitment. When you have a commitment now you have something that each party can be held accountable to uphold. 

Holding accountable vs. being accountable

There is a difference between making someone accountable and holding them accountable. For me this is readily apparent with my kids. I can make them accountable to do the dishes or do their laundry, however if I don’t hold them accountable and ultimately do the tasks for them then there really isn’t any accountability. 

This will vary from circumstance to circumstance however as leaders we need to do more than simply tell people that they are accountable we actually need to hold them accountable. This means a few things.

  1. It means that you need to have regular check ins
  2. It means there needs to be a timeline (This could be recurring or it could be a deadline)
  3. It means that there needs to be consequences if the commitment is not upheld.

Conclusion

When it comes to accountability and the usefulness of it, I think in terms of getting shit done. As you can see from the commentary above there are a variety of ways we can implement accountability to ensure that we stay on track with our objectives. A gentle reminder that as always when we look at these productivity tools we need to ensure that they align with our values and we aren’t employing them chasing the wrong thing. 

The bottom line is that accountability is not something that just happens. Accountability is something that has to be cultivated with intentionality. When we employ accountability with compassion and consistency we can dramatically improve the quality of our lives. 

What are some of the best methods of accountability you have seen employed?

Four Essential Skills for Leading Out of the Pandemic

October 22, 2021 (updated October 22, 2021) Published by
Audio only

This week I had the opportunity to deliver a new keynote, Redefining Leadership: From Chaos to Connection. While doing some research for this I came across a recent survey published by ExecOnline that talked about some of the challenges leaders are facing. They also shared a few of the skills leaders believe are required to be effective coming out of the pandemic.

This short video is a summary of my take on what these skills are on how we can implement them as leaders.

Two Main Leadership Challenges

These two issues will likely not be a surprise to anyone.

  • Employee Fatigue and Burnout
  • Employee Retention

Four Leadership Skills Leaders Need

  • Clear and Impactful Communication
  • Empathy in Supporting Well Being
  • The Ability to Maintain Connectivity
  • Clear Decision Making Amidst Uncertainty

Clear and impactful communication

This means overcommunicating your message in a concise fashion. Keeping as much communication as possible connected to your purpose and your values.

Empathy in supporting well being

It’s been a long pandemic for everyone. No matter your politics, beliefs or policies demonstrate compassion for other viewpoints. In other words drop judgement and get curious.

The ability to maintain connectivity

Find ways for your teams to stay connected. Get innovative, as them to get innovative and find connectivity solutions. You don’t have to provide all the answers you just need to create the environment where the answers can happen.

Clear decision making amidst uncertainty

Right or wrong be clear and direct in your decisions. Nothing worse than ambiguity in our current climate. If new information presents itself that means you need to reverse your decision be confident in doing that as well.

The common thread here is that leaders need to provide clarity, decisiveness and compassion for their teams.

I’d love to hear what you think are the most important skills required as we come out of the pandemic. Do any of these resonate with you? Make sure to connect, follow, subscribe to continue to engage in these leadership conversations.

The common thread here is that leaders need to provide clarity, decisiveness and compassion for their teams.

I’d love to hear what you think are the most important skills required as we come out of the pandemic. Do any of these resonate with you? Make sure to connect, follow, subscribe to continue to engage in these leadership conversations.

What Does “Stuck” Look Like (and how to get unstuck in life)

October 12, 2021 (updated October 14, 2021) Published by
Blog Audio

How to get unstuck in life

As I sit here at my computer, with my Pomodoro Technique timer quietly counting down I sit staring at a blank computer screen. A list of a million different “things I could be doing” starts to form in my head. The procrastination monster is strong in this one my friend. I have so many different pieces I want to write. I have the beginnings of several books in my head, I even have some of them started. I have committed to publishing at least one article per week. There is no shortage of things to do yet somehow I still feel like I’m not even sure where to start. 

For me this is one of the myriad forms of what “stuck” feels like. It comes into my life a lot and requires an immense amount of discipline to move through it. Discipline. That seems to be the answer for me.

For many of the clients I work with in a one on one coaching capacity, the reason they came to me is because of this feeling of “stuckness”. Often they come from the context of business. They feel like they have hit a bit of a plateau and are restricted in their ability to move their business forward. 

I find it fascinating to note that typically when someone comes to me with this feeling of “stuck” or they report that something is impeding their business growth, we almost always find that the “stuck” extends out to most arenas in their life. 

I can’t tell you how many times when talking to a business leader we end up spending a fair amount of time talking about their personal relationships. Almost always it ends with a “Well, I really didn’t expect that we would go down that path!”

For many visionary leaders there comes a time in their life where they feel overwhelmed. They feel defeated with the sheer enormity of what they want to bring to the world. The weight of the task at hand becomes crippling at times so they stick with the tried and true. They stay with what they know or at least what they think they know. The challenge of course is the well known quote “If you continue to do what you have always done you will continue to get what you’ve always got.” 

And that my friends is exactly what “stuck” feels like. 

Add to that the feelings of anxiety, depression and our desire to avoid difficult emotions, it can become very easy to get caught up in a cycle of avoidance and procrastination. Stuck might include a fear of success, it might include a fear of failure, it might include a longing so large that it seems impossible, causing indecision and paralysis of action. 

How do we break out of stuck?

Motivation follows action. For me there have been many times where I have sought to cultivate motivation in order to inspire me to take action. I spend time reading texts, listening to speeches and digesting words of wisdom from gurus around the world. 

There are certainly days where I feel ill equipped to carry on my mission. There are times where I feel like I just need to learn a little bit more. That I need just a little more training, knowledge or expertise to move forward.

There is this feeling of imposter syndrome. Often accompanied by the question “Who the fuck am I to think I can do this?” Or “Who am I to think that people will care about what I have to say or what my vision is?” Surely I need to be better before I can proceed.

While there are times when you need to enhance skills, this line of thinking can also very easily contribute to the “stuckness” by giving us a justifiable place to spend our time. After all, we are taking in knowledge, we are learning and we are growing. Certainly that is a worthwhile endeavor right?

Sure. Maybe. Well, no not really. 

My guess is that you likely have all the knowledge you need to get unstuck and what you really need is to take action. It took me a long time to realize that it isn’t motivation that drives action but rather action that drives motivation. Seeking motivation is simply another form of procrastination. In his book The War of Art, Stephen Pressfield talks about Resistance, that mythical force that keeps you stuck. 

He has a very eloquent way of defining “Resistance” and talks about how ‘Seeking support” can easily be just another form of resistance.

“Seeking support from friends and family is like having people gathered around at your deathbed. It’s nice, but when the ship sails, all they can do is stand on the dock waving goodbye”

Stephen Pressfield

In my experience, “stuck” rarely has anything to do with a lack of knowledge, resources, or preparation and almost always has to do with a lack of action. It is not about looking for external resources, conditions or information. It is all about our internal discipline. 

What can we do?

Once we realize and accept that “stuckness” is internal then we can start to make change. As my friend and editor, who is a Canadian living in the southern United States reminded me, being stuck feels like spinning your wheels. It feels like being caught in a heavy Canadian snowfall with nothing but summer tires on your vehicle. It doesn’t matter how hard you tromp on the gas pedal your tires just spin faster and faster. 

In order to break out of being stuck in a snowstorm it means that we need to first off slow down. If you’ve read or listened to any of my other work this may be starting to sound familiar to you. The first piece of almost any puzzle is to slow the F down. In our snowstorm analogy taking your foot off the gas is the first thing that needs to happen. When we talk about this in the context of being stuck in a snowstorm it immediately makes sense. It doesn’t matter how hard you push the gas pedal, all you do is spin faster. 

Most of us have been in this situation at one point or another in our lives. However when it comes to business, life and what we want to accomplish, this idea of taking our foot off the gas is incredibly counterintuitive. I mean certainly if you want to move forward faster you need to be working harder, doing more not less right? 

The reality is that this is not at all the case and in fact just like spinning your tires in the snow the harder we work, the more we push, the deeper the rut that we are stuck in starts to become. This is what makes “stuck” feel all the more frustrating. 

“It doesn’t make any sense!” 
“I’m working harder than ever, why am I not moving forward??!!”

Sometimes when we are stuck it isn’t even just that we need to take our foot off the gas, but sometimes we actually need to put the car into reverse. Sometimes we need to put a little backward momentum into our efforts. 

If you’ve ever been stuck in a Canadian snowstorm you likely know this well. There’s this art to putting the car in reverse and then back to drive. Creating a rocking motion. Slowly but surely starting to build some momentum so that you can eventually move far enough forward that you are out of the rut and back on solid ground.  

Why do we get stuck?

Once we start to slow down we can really take a look at where this stuck feeling is coming from. I am cautious writing these words since much of “stuck” for me can be perpetuated with over analysis. Don’t spend a lot of time here but see if any of these resonate with you. 

Authenticity

Stuck can come when we start to play a role in our life, when we stop being authentic and we try to live the kind of life that we think others feel we should be living.

Environment 

Stuck can also be a result of being held back. Your environment. What is the environment that you have created for yourself? Who is it that you are surrounding yourself with? Is it time to reevaluate all of that?

Commitments

What are you committed to? Who are you committed to? Are these commitments moving you forward or are they holding you back? Is it time to reevaluate what and who you are committed to?

These are incredibly difficult questions to really look at with open and honest eyes. It is really hard to have a deep, honest look in the mirror. The truth is that often “stuck” is a result of our reluctance to look at what is holding us back. The truth is that if we were to actually admit what is keeping us stuck, we might have to make some difficult decisions. So instead of having an honest look at ourselves we avoid and distract.

In business I have seen this in the form of ignoring employees whom we really like but truly are not a fit for the role they are in. Maybe if we have an honest look in the mirror in a business context it means we need to adjust our budget, or have a difficult conversation with a supplier, competitor, colleague or boss. 

In personal life there are many things that might be keeping us stuck. Do we need to improve our physical, mental or emotional fitness? That takes time, effort and commitment.

Do we need to cut some people out of our lives? 
Do we need to stop drinking, gambling, overeating? 

These are all incredibly difficult decisions we have to make and even once we make them we have to have the discipline to see it through. When we find ourselves “stuck” it is often because we are not willing to have honest conversations about these decisions that need to be made. 

Before I wrap things up, I want to talk about one of the biggest reasons people remain “stuck” by choice. Even when they have identified the thing that is keeping them stuck it can still be hard to move forward for this one major reason. I have had this conversation with dozens, if not hundreds of people.    

Sunk cost fallacy

The Sunk Cost Fallacy describes our tendency to follow through on an endeavor if we have already invested time, effort, or money into it, whether or not the current costs outweigh the benefits.

In other words, the more time and energy we have invested into a course of action, a relationship or a certain direction the harder it becomes to abandon. This happens because no matter how logical we like to think we are, our decisions are heavily influenced by our emotions. Feelings of guilt, regret or even shame if we do not follow through with a decision influence our desire to stick with it even if that decision no longer serves us. 

Sunk Cost Fallacy is tied to commitment bias where we continue to support past decisions despite new evidence that the decision may not be the appropriate one.

Conclusion

As I write this I realize I could easily write an entire book on what it feels like to be stuck, and how to move forward out of the “stuckness”. I hope that this article has given you a little food for thought and I will leave you with another Stephen Pressfield quote from “The War of Art”.

“It’s not the writing that is hard. It’s the sitting down to write.”    

Stephen Pressfield
How to get unstuck in life

Pressfield is speaking in the context of writing however this statement can be applied to any course of action. It’s not the doing of the thing that is hard, it is starting doing the thing that is hard. That being the case then let’s make sure our energy is focused on starting the thing.

If you take nothing else from this article then take this, motivation follows action. Therefore action is the most important piece. You don’t need any more skill, you don’t need any more knowledge, you don’t need any more support, you simply need to take action. 

If you have a list of 1000 things you need to do and don’t know where to start, simply close your eyes and point at the list. The item you land on is where you start. Don’t second guess, just sit down and get it done. 

Motivation follows action.

The Scars That Shape Us

October 4, 2021 (updated October 4, 2021) Published by

October 2, 2021.

It’s now been six years since I heard those three little words that would change my life. The three words that would shape my future and become a large part of my legacy. 

“Karissa is dead.”

That’s it. That was all he said and my world was forever changed. 

A wound so deep that I wondered if it would ever heal. But like most wounds they eventually heal. They heal but depending on the depth of the wound they leave a permanent scar. 

Our scars shape us. 

We can try to ignore them, we can wear them like a victim or we can wear them with pride. 

On October 2, 2021, the sixth anniversary of her murder I took the time to drive out to the mountains. I made the three hour trek to Nordegg and went for a hike up Coliseum Mountain. I have made a journey to be out in nature on most of the anniversaries since that fateful day.

October 2 for me is not so much about grieving the loss as it is about celebrating life. It is a time to reflect on the lessons learned and to look at how this scar informs my view of the world. It is about reflecting how I can use this scar to affect change in others. 

I didn’t have a choice to carry this scar or not, however,  I do have a choice in how I let it shape me. October 2 is the day each year where I spend some time getting intentional about how this wound shapes the man I am today. It is about reflecting on the man I am as well as planning for the man I want to be. 

Our scars shape us. 

Scars are a permanent part of who we are and absolutely impact how we show up in this world. 

When I was 16 my parents shipped me off to Australia to live with my Uncle John. I was way out of control. A teenager in full rebellion and Mom and Dad did not know what to do with me. Fortunately Mom’s brother John was a successful businessman. He was someone who I respected as a rebel done good.  I thought Uncle John viewed the world a little closer to how I did. Uncle Johnny taught me a lot about the value of hard work.

It was there in Australia where I earned my first major physical scar. I was in the backseat of a new found friend’s car. Stereo blaring, engine roaring, driving way too fast for the slick road conditions caused by a torrential rain storm. The windy road, an inexperienced driver, and slick conditions all a recipe for disaster. 

I was young and invincible so I sat in the middle of the backseat leaning up through the bucket seats so I could be part of the action. Life was good. Laughter abound. New friends, loud music, fast cars… 

And then there was the telephone pole. Tires releasing their grip on the pavement. Young driver overcorrecting, car flying out of control sideways into the pole. 100 to zero in an instant. With no seat belt on I got the worst of it. Thrown around like a rag doll. Broken ribs, crushed lung, ruptured spleen causing internal bleeding requiring emergency surgery. 

The final toll, 4 days in a coma, a bunch of broken ribs, a crushed lung, a ruptured spleen and a scar from belly button to sternum where they ripped me open to repair the damaged organs. A reminder I see every day of my life. 

Our scars shape us. 

In my life I have had many different scars of various shapes and sizes. All of us have. Some more, some less, it doesn’t matter. Now is not the time for comparison. Now is the time for reflection. Now is the time to get curious about your scars. Now is the time to learn from them and wear them with pride. 

What are your scars?
How do you feel about our scars?
Do you resent them?
Do you deny them?
Do you own them?
What meaning will you give to them?

These are all questions that I reflect on every year at this time. Every year I renew my commitment to “Make Beautiful Shit Happen” and make sure that I am continuing down a path that is worthy of the man this deeply scarred human being wants to be. 

Two years ago I brought this topic to my Men’s group as a theme for the night. I asked the men to reflect on the scars that have shaped them. We talked about how to make sure that we own our scars and how we can ensure that our scars do not own us. It all comes down to this simple truism. 

With awareness comes choice.

The scars I described above are fairly large and glaringly obvious. They are pretty hard to ignore. However for many of us we work hard to ignore the scars that wound us. They are too painful to acknowledge so we go about our daily lives allowing them to simmer under the surface quietly influencing our decisions, our behaviors and ultimately our outcomes in life. They become the subtle forces that silently guide us.

Every scar has a story, every story a purpose. Sometimes the meaning in those stories is abundantly evident, other times it can feel like there cannot be any possible meaning that would inflict such pain.

“For your pain is Rachel’s legacy to you. Not that she or I would inflict such pain by choice,  but there it is. And it must burn its purifying way to completion. For something in you dies when you bear the unbearable, and it is only in that dark night of the soul that you are prepared to see as God sees, and to love as God loves.”

Ram Dass – Letter to Rachel

Your scars are the living legacy of who you are. They are the roadmap of your past, your present and they will shape your future. 

The question becomes will you get intentional with how your scars shape you? Or will you let them whisper softly in your ear, so gently that we can ignore their influence and live a life by default rather than by design. 

What are some of the scars that shape you?

How do those scars impact how you show up in the world?

Where can you be more intentional about how those scars move you through life?

Where You Sit Determines What You See

September 29, 2021 (updated October 1, 2021) Published by

Audio Blog

Her three year old son sat in the back seat of the car as she stopped at a traffic light. They liked to play word games while driving so she asked him what color the traffic light was. 

He replied “It’s green mommy! It’s green!”

A little dismayed that her otherwise bright boy would misidentify the color of the light she nudged him again. “Well son, we’re stopped right now so let me ask you again. What color is the traffic light?” 

Once again he replied emphatically “It’s green mommy! It’s green!”  

“No son, the light is red.” She said

“It’s green mom!”

She decided to leave it alone at the moment but the incident stayed with her. She thought about the possibility of him being color blind. She chuckled to herself “It must be my husband’s fault for this sight deficiency” She was worried however and somewhat prone to catastrophizing the stories started to swirl in her head. Was he just not as bright as I thought he was? Was there some type of disorder or syndrome at play?

It wasn’t til about three weeks later when her mother in law was in town and her husband driving she sat in the back seat. As she sat there with her child’s vantage point she looked up and realized that the height of the headrest on the front seat made it impossible for her boy to have a decent view out the front window. There was no way he could have seen the traffic light in front of the car. 

Puzzled, she let that sink in for a second. Her mind jumped back to the scene earlier when he had misidentified the color of the light. 

In a heartbeat it all came clear. He wasn’t color blind, he wasn’t dim witted, he did not have some sort of brain abnormality. What he had was a different view of the world than she did at that moment. 

He had been looking out the side window at the light for the cross traffic. That light was 100% green when she had asked him the question. Now she could only imagine his thought process at the time. “Well, my mother seems bright on most other accounts. I don’t know why she’s insisting the light is red. Maybe she’s color blind. Maybe she has some kind of disorder” 

Where you sit determines what you see. 

This is a highly paraphrased version of a story that author Sheila Heen shared in a recent interview with Tim Ferriss. Sheila is the New York times best selling author of  Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

I would highly recommend checking out the interview. This story however, was the nugget that stuck out the most to me. As a leadership and business coach and someone who is always striving to grow, I keep my eye open for easy to carry insights. Three or four word mantras or phrases that very quickly get to the heart of an issue. One of my core values is the value of Empathy. My value mantra for Empathy is “Seek first to understand”. When I heard this story and heard this phrase I knew it would stick, giving me yet another anchor to my value of empathy. 

Where you sit determines what you see.

I think most of us would like to believe that we have the capacity for empathy. We care about how others feel and how the way in which we interact with them makes them feel as well. I haven’t met many people that willingly state that they don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. 

Most of us would say that we are kind and caring individuals. Myself included. However, this story is an excellent reminder that sometimes in order to understand the views, feelings and experiences of those around us we might need to change where we sit. At minimum we need to be able to acknowledge that where we sit determines what and how we see the world. 

Coming at any of the difficult conversations we face in the world today through this lens really starts to open possibilities. It opens up opportunities to see things through the lens of another. It allows us to realize that our view may be substantially different from those we are interacting with. 

I love getting out to the mountains and I have a lot of outdoorsy friends. Many are very adventurous and like to climb mountains that provide some incredible views of the Canadian Rocky Mountains. There are a few spots that are favourites and summit photos often get shared on social media. Yesterday a friend posted a photo of a mountain summit that I know to have stunning vistas and views. Yesterday, however, that was not the case. Those vistas were shrouded in a deep dense fog which completely obliterated any possibility of a decent view. 

That same location had been visited by a different set of friends the weekend prior and they had shared some beautiful, blue sky, soft cloud views that stretched for as far as the eye could see. How is that possible? How is it that the exact same view can look so different from one day to the next? 

When we think in terms of mountain views and inclement weather there really is no need to explore or explain. We simply understand that what we see is going to be different depending on the environment we are in. 

Yet when it comes to having deep, meaningful and especially difficult conversations it is significantly more challenging to consider factors that might cause someone who is looking at the exact same view to see it completely differently. Their lens may well be different from the lens that you are viewing the world through. 

My vantage point of the world as a middle aged white dude is substantially different from many of those in marginalized communities. If I want to have meaningful conversations about how to impact change I need to be able to recognize and acknowledge that the seat I have at the table is very likely to create a ton of blind spots. 

My social status, class, gender and ethnicity is simply one of many more examples that illustrates this.

Where we sit determines what we see.

Can you imagine how our conversations might start to alter if we can start to see things through the lens of another? 

What kind of deeper understanding could we gain if we really became adept at changing where we sit, allowing us to see the world differently?

This doesn’t mean that you need to let go of your beliefs, perspectives or ideas. It does mean though that you should start to look at them from different angles. Challenge your beliefs and attitudes from the viewpoint of another. See how they might shift. Change where you sit so that you can change what you see. 

It’s so easy to dismiss beliefs and ideas that are not congruent with our own. It’s easy to say “That just doesn’t make any sense at all” and move on. However, just like in the story of the young boy, sometimes when you do a little more digging the source of those opposing viewpoints becomes crystal clear. It is only when you can see clearly from the view of another that you can start to have the conversations that move the needle.

I talked earlier about values and my value mantras. Another one for me that fits very well here is the value of curiosity. My mantra around curiosity is “Curiosity Over Judgement”. A reminder for me that anytime I start to get a little judgemental, to jump back to curiosity. A reminder that I perhaps need to do a little more digging to understand why someone views the world differently than I do.    

My challenge for you today is the next time you run into a conversation where there are opposing views, see if you can take a moment, pause and reflect on how you are seeing things. Challenge yourself to shift your perspective. Move yourself to that back seat like the young boy in the story and see how the world starts to change. 

Everything is Sales: Simple sales tools for everybody, everywhere

September 10, 2021 (updated September 11, 2021) Published by

Most people think sales is icky

The truth is that sales is a part of everything we do.

I love selling. I think it is one of the most underrated skills on the planet. Everything is sales and today I am going to tell you why you need to be a better salesperson. I’m also going to tell you how you can do that.

WAIT!! Don’t go! I can imagine what you are thinking right now. “Um, hell no Mike. I hate sales. I never want to be THAT person. I’m outta here!” 

Let me tell you why you should change that mindset and give you some sales tools you can actually use. I recognize that most people think of “selling” as a bad thing. There is this visceral feeling that sales is all about manipulating someone into buying something they don’t need. Take a pause. Take a breath. Let that feeling settle.

The truth is that all of us sell. All the time. In all facets of life. We can’t avoid it. Sales is all around us and it is part of our life. Let’s look at a few examples that we don’t immediately think of as sales. 

Non-profit Organizations

Do you do volunteer work? Do you donate to charities?

At some point you had to be “sold” on those organizations worthiness of your time and or money. 

I do a lot of volunteer work in the nonprofit sector. It is one of the ways that I give back and find some meaning in my life. I serve on committees and boards, I discount some of my professional services in order to make a contribution to the fabric of our society.  

I come from a 25 year background in sales and business. I often see things differently than those who have spent their life in the non-profit sector. I often hear “We’re non-profit. We don’t sell anything.” Wrong!

I’m here to challenge that way of thinking. 

You see as a non-profit with a cause you are 100% in the business of sales whether you want to acknowledge it or not. Whether we are talking about fundraising, grant requests or something a little less obvious like having the clientele you serve buy into your message or service. You are constantly selling people on getting behind your cause. We are all vying for the same limited resources. There are private, for profit corporations that spend billions of dollars to gain the time, attention and dollars of the same consumers you serve. 

Isn’t the “product” you “sell” more valuable than a Coca-Cola? Then you better gain at least some skill in selling what it is you do. 

Parenting

If you are a parent you know this. As a parent you are selling all the time. 

You are ‘selling’ your kids on the idea of doing their homework. 

You are selling them on the idea of cleaning up their rooms. 

As a parent I definitely had things I enjoyed doing with my kids more than others. I also had the things I really disliked doing with my kids. 

Anyone remember Caillou?? If you know, you know. 

If you have ever had to sit and watch that TV show you know exactly what I am talking about. I became very adept at the art of selling my kids on the idea of an alternate TV shows.

My kids are now 18 and 20. Both graduated from high school and both unsure about what path to take. Clearly I have a little bit of experience figuring out which path to take. My challenge today is to “sell” my kids on listening to the wisdom of that experience as they debate career paths and schooling choices. This may be the most difficult thing I have ever had to “sell” and I certainly do not have the magic formula for “closing” this “sale”. 

Relationships

In your intimate partner relationship there is always a modicum of sales. Again understanding that sales isn’t about persuading someone to do something they don’t want but rather it is about helping people with their buying decision. When you and your partner are making decisions on vacation destinations, options for your kids, or even where to go on date night you are actively engaged in the sales process.  

The truth is that I make an effort to ‘sell’ my partner on the ‘value’ of being with me every day. You may feel that I shouldn’t have to ‘sell’ my partner on being with me. You are right. I shouldn’t HAVE to, however how much better is my relationship because I choose to make that effort?

How strong would your relationship be if you sought to actively demonstrate your value every single day?

Engaging Men and Boys in Violence Prevention

If you have followed me for awhile you know that I am an advocate for the prevention of violence against women. For those who I work with in the violence prevention space the question often arises “Why should we have to ‘sell’ what we do? Doesn’t it just make sense? Doesn’t everyone want a world with less violence?” 

Obviously the answer is an emphatic “Hell Yeah” The reality is that for those who are not living with the direct impacts of domestic violence the message is pretty easy to tune out.

We live in a noisy world. If we want our message to be heard we have to constantly demonstrate the value of listening to what we have to say.

My Sales Pitch 

When Colleen was murdered, I started looking hard at how I could best make an impact in the world. How I might somehow make a dent in the problem of violence against women. I reflected on her experience with the justice system and where things could have been done differently to prevent such a tragic outcome. There were certainly a lot of areas where how the ‘system’ handled her case could be improved. 

However, it became clear to me that the best way to prevent violence against women was not by improving the justice system. It wasn’t about building a better restraining order. These were simply symptoms to a bigger problem. The real question for me became 

“How do we prevent men from getting to this point in the first place?”

I know that if you asked men about violence against women the vast majority of them would tell you that it is not OK. Ever. Period. End of story. However we know the reality is that violence still happens and that the majority of violence in any domain is perpetrated by men. So how do we engage men in the conversation when most of them are not directly part of the problem or at least do not believe that they are part of the problem?

For me the answer is pretty obvious. The solution ties back to a field that I have studied for 25 years in the context of sales and leadership. For decades I have studied the impact emotion has on human behavior. 

When violence occurs It is not often an overt desire to be violent.  More often than not it is a burst of unmanaged emotion that drives an undesirable behavior. I talk about the science behind this a lot in my Keynotes as well as my TEDx talk. 

We make decisions based on emotion, if we do not understand the underlying emotion that drives the decisions we make then we have little hope of living a purposeful life. 

I come back to the statement that emotionally connected men do not abuse their partners. 

Emotionally connected men do not kill people. 

  • Emotionally connected men do not kill themselves. 
  • Emotionally connected men make better fathers. 
  • Emotionally connected men make better leaders.
  • Emotionally connected men live richer lives and do less harm.

The man that killed Colleen was a man that made a decision with very permanent consequences based on a very temporary emotion.

Teaching men to become more self aware when it comes to emotions is not necessarily a compelling sales pitch to someone who does not believe that he currently does not, nor will ever  be in an abusive relationship. 

A more identifiable problem however is the truth that men everywhere are hurting. Suicide rates, depression, anxiety are at all time highs. Men are seeking solutions to these challenges and I can assure you that there is overlap in the solution. 

So the sales pitch, if you will, is for men to become more emotionally connected for their own benefit. For them to become more emotionally vulnerable and to take stock of their feelings and how those feelings impact how they show up in the world. 

If you were to ask men if they would like a “product” that will alleviate violence against women most will shrug their shoulders and say “meh, maybe. As long as it doesn’t cost too much”.

However if you ask those same men if they would like a “product” that will fill that gaping hole in their soul, a ‘product’ that will lift the crushing weight of the world off their shoulders, I can assure you that the answer will be a resounding “Hell yes!”

For me it becomes very clear that preventing violence against women is only part of the sales pitch. The more compelling sales pitch for most men is about helping them deal with their own shit. Many men are feeling lost, alone, stuck and unsure how to navigate the world. Many men would be loath to admit that for fear of repercussions from the rest of our kind. 

Bell Hooks, an american feminst author says it well. 

“The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.”

Bell Hooks

You see if we can help men to deal with their own shit, teach them to heal their past traumas, insecurities and get comfortable with who they are, then much of the violence in this world goes away. Period. End of story. 

Sales Tools to take with you

The bottom line is that I am here to sell you on the fact that everything in life is sales. That whatever you want to achieve or whoever you want to be in this world likely relies on your ability to convince (aka sell) another human being on a thought, an idea, a service or a product. 

So rather than resist “selling” because you are “not that person”, perhaps it is in your (and the world’s) best interest for you to start to learn to be more effective in the art of persuasion regardless of your formal role or title. 

There are thousands of books written on how to be a better salesperson. Hopefully I have convinced you that sales is a skill you need to have in your arsenal. Today let me leave you with a few of the most powerful sales insights that I have come across over the years.  

Sales is a listening proposition

This one is important. Especially if we are talking about selling something you are passionate about. It is very, very easy for us to get caught up in promoting our message. In espousing the virtues of the service that we offer. The problem is that when we get wrapped up in vehemently sharing our message, regardless of how powerful it may be to you, we can easily miss what is important to the person you are talking to. The mantra below is one of my favorites when it comes to sales. When I am at my best I use this as a reminder to do more listening and less talking. 

Mantra: If you are telling you aren’t selling

Simple Sells

The more complex the idea the more difficult it is to get communal buy in. The less complicated you can make your idea, request or product the easier it becomes to demonstrate the value that it holds. This means that it makes a lot of sense to spend some time breaking down your message into simple, bite-sized, digestible pieces. Get intentional about this so that you have your sound bites ready when an opportunity arises. Sit down and write out a simple version of the message that you want to convey. Then experiment. Watch how people react and respond to your message and refine it based on what you notice.  

Mantra: Uncomplicate

We buy on emotion, justified by logic

We discussed this earlier. There is a ton of scientific evidence that supports the fact that as human beings we make decisions based on emotion. Find ways to make an emotional connection between the person you are persuading and the idea you want them to embrace. When I am on stage I will often tell the story of how, at the age of 26 years old, I bought my first Porsche. The sales person at the dealership knew this insight well. 

It didn’t take him long to help make a powerful connection between me and that car. He illustrated how I would feel as a young, up and coming businessman driving around in this fancy car. We buy on emotion. I can assure you that there was nothing logical about buying a Porsche at 26 years old.

I still remember the first time I shared that purchase with my Dad. “What do you think?” I said. He looked at me and said “Yes, it is very nice. Only slightly more expensive than our first house.”

Stories are the most powerful sales tool 

Stories are an important part of our culture. It is how ideas are passed from one generation to the next. When it comes to creating a meaningful connection with another human being it turns out that stories are a powerful way of doing that.

People are more likely to remember a story than a fact, or even an idea. I remember when I used to teach an affordable housing workshop. At one point I would share some ideas on how to pay off your mortgage faster. These tips included increasing payment frequency and making lump sum payments.

I demonstrated the ideas by sharing the story of how I removed a single expense from our household. I would tell them about how we used to have a water cooler in the house that we paid a monthly fee to have refilled and maintained. I got rid of the water cooler and immediately applied the monthly savings to our mortgage payments thus carving a few years off of our mortgage.

One day I had a woman come up to me in the grocery store. She had taken the workshop five years earlier. She approached me and said “Hey, you’re that water cooler guy aren’t you?” You see, all those years later, she remembered the story. I wrote another piece about this a few years ago. You can read that here…

Mantra: Sell it with a story 

I’ve spent 25 years practicing the art of persuasion. There is always more to learn. Let me know what has been valuable to you in this article. Consider sharing it with someone you know that would find it valuable. Most importantly please share with me some of your favorite insights when it comes to sales and the art of persuasion.

How to be a better father after divorce

August 30, 2021 (updated September 3, 2021) Published by

In a split second a combination of many variants of relief and terror washed over me. Holy shit, after 15 years this was actually happening.

When we go through a separation or divorce, whether by choice or by circumstance, it can be incredibly devastating. For me coming to terms with the fact that my marriage was not going to work was one of the most difficult things I had to do.

How to Navigate Life’s Transitions

August 19, 2021 (updated September 2, 2021) Published by

“The only constant in life is change”-Heraclitus

This statement has never been more applicable than it has in the last 18 months. Every single one of us has gone through massive, unforeseeable, and unavoidable change. The real key is how we adapt to that change and how we navigate the transitions from the old way of being to the new way of being. Today I want to share a little bit of my story with you and some of the ways I have navigated the transitions in my life.

In December of 2019 I sold the business that I had started from scratch 16 years earlier. My intention was to transition my career from CEO of a large organization to speaking professionally in the leadership and men’s health arena. Imagine the feeling. Moving from success to significance with a healthy exit from my business and a slate of speaking engagements lined up. The future was definitely bright indeed. 

I’m sure you can guess the next part of the story. As COVID started to unfold I kept thinking that it would pass and have little impact. I remember vividly when I heard that the NBA had decided to postpone the entire season and thinking “Are you kidding me? How is this possible? Oh shit, this isn’t going away soon” 

Two months into my new speaking career and the entire world gets shut down with a global pandemic. Talk about having to navigate change! 

After my last live speaking engagement on March 6, 2020 I was on cloud 9! I had the opportunity to share my message with my dream audience; Men who wanted more from life. Men who wanted to contribute more to the world around them and create a legacy larger than themselves. 

It all happened so fast! Within a week of that event the world shut down completely! Suddenly I was forced to sit idly by and watch all of the future events I had been booked for quickly move from ‘postponed’ to completely cancelled. 

Suddenly I had all the time in the world to reflect on how I was going to navigate this change. I sat back and reflected on so many of the transitions in my life and thought about how I had navigated those. Most of these transitions I moved through unconsciously. I did so without intention. This time it could be different. This time I could be much more deliberate and intentional about how I moved forward.

Transition point: There was a time when I would have really struggled to call myself a leader. I can clearly remember the very first time that someone I was pitching an idea to said to me 

“Clearly you are a strong leader…” 

Whoa! I was impacted by those words. A transition in how I saw myself. 

Transition point: I recall being in a workshop on mentorship where the facilitator said 

“The basis of leadership is self awareness” 

While I had always worked on personal development this new knowledge caused a subtle shift in my journey as I adjusted and enhanced my self leadership.

Transition Point: As my business grew and I eventually merged my company and partnered with another exceptional leader. 

I had to learn to co-lead. 

Transition Point: Through many ups and downs my partner Gord and I ultimately found strong success in our industry.  Yet, for me, there was still something missing. From the outside looking in I should have been on top of the world. I had achieved many, if not all, of the things people in my shoes strive for. 

I started to explore how I could utilize that success to create impact in the world around me. I didn’t strive less, however that striving changed. It shifted. I was now looking at how to move from success to significance. How to create a legacy and use my influence to create a better world.

Transition Point: After selling my business not only did I have to navigate the transition that COVID had forced, I also had to navigate this shift in identity. I had to move from being ‘The Leader’ to being a speaker and coach who helps other leaders impact change. This transition would require a renewed focus and discipline. This time I was more aware of the transition than ever before. There would be much more intentionality.

As I reflect on my journey I realize that one of my greatest gifts is using my experience to coach others through transitions in their lives. 

I have assisted employees who have struck out on their own in business, I have helped many navigate relationship transitions whether by choice or by circumstance. 

I have helped business leaders as they guided the transition of thIer business through a global pandemic.

I have helped men transition from old ways of thinking into a more productive and positive view of what it means to be a man.

I have worked with youth at risk as they start their transition into adulthood. I have led groups exploring what it means to “be a man” and come out as an emotionally connected adult.

I have assisted many through, what I would call a midlife correction, as they start to realize old paradigms of who they thought they were supposed to be do not serve them any more.

I was working with my coach last week narrowing down my area of expertise. We looked at what is uniquely me and what my niche is. This is something that I have always struggled to narrow down. My areas of interest and expertise are extremely wide and I am typically reluctant to pigeon hole what it is I do. 

After some discussion about who my perfect clients were, a pattern started to emerge. Most of the individuals and organizations I worked with were navigating some kind of transition. Sometimes it was a transition of choice, sometimes a transition of circumstance and sometimes, together we would find that a transition is what was required in order to move them forward. 

So the question becomes how does one successfully navigate the transitions in life going forward and what can we learn from the transitions of the past? There is no one size fits all answer to this question. However I can assure you that success leaves clues. 

Here are some of the tools I have used to navigate transition in my life and how you can implement those tools in your own life.

Learn to S.O.A.R

Transitions can cause deep emotions to flow in our lives. S.O.A.R. is the framework I have used to help many men navigate challenging times and the subsequent emotional turmoil. We make decisions based on emotion and if we don’t understand the underlying emotions that drive the decisions we make we have no hope of living a purposeful life.

S.O.A.R. stands for: 

Slow Down,
Open Up,
Accept, and 
Reconnect with self.  

Deeply unpacking this framework is beyond the scope of this article however you can down a more descriptive infographic here. 

mike-cameron-soar-infographicDownload

Reflection

Take some time to look back at some of the transition points in your life. Did you recognize them as transitions at the time? What are some of the lessons that you learned from those transition points that you can take with you moving forward?

Awareness

What are some of the current transitions that you may be going through? Those struggles you may be facing right now? Maybe they are more than struggles. Maybe they are precursors to change. They are part of the evolution of you.

Take note of how the transition makes you feel. As I discuss a lot, our emotions drive our decisions. If we are not clear on the feelings that form the foundation of our reason it becomes impossible to live a purposeful life. Our emotions can easily hijack our brain and cause reflexive responses. Understanding how we feel about what is going on around us is the first step in preventing undesirable emotional hijacking.

Intentional

Once you are aware of the transition points in your life then you can start to be more intentional about how you navigate them. With awareness comes choice. You may or may not have chosen the transition, however you can certainly choose how you navigate it. 

If you are in it against your will you can look to see if there are choices that you can make to prevent it and if not you need to decide to accept it. After all, if you have no choice, you have no choice.

Shift your mindset

What happens when you shift your language from “Why is this happening to me?” to ask the question “How is this happening for me?” A subtle but powerful shift in how we look at things that ultimately changes how we feel about things which in turn allows us to adjust how we react to these events.

Understand that the only thing you have control over is you. There are many things in life that you cannot control so do not waste time and energy trying to control the uncontrollable. 

Find support

Transitions can be challenging. Whether in business or personal life just know that you do not need to navigate alone. This can be exceptionally challenging for leaders to acknowledge. As leaders we tend to feel like we are supposed to be the ones providing support not the ones seeking it. However the best leaders know that they do not have to know or be everything. The best leaders are the ones that are not afraid to surround themselves with people who are better than them. They surround themselves with people who are willing to share their input and tell it like it is. The best leaders do not need sycophants; they need people who are willing to challenge and support them. 

Preparation

The time to prepare for transition is not during the transition. It is well in advance. For the transitions we choose we have the opportunity to be mindful about that preparation. For the transitions we do not choose we need to ensure that we have done what we can to practice some of the meta skills we will need during transition. 

We can practice recognizing how we feel in all situations. We can practice grieving loss in the smaller domains of our lives. Be assured that you will have to grieve the old ways of being for any transition. 

We can prepare by getting clear on our values and intentions so that when transition points come we have a north star to turn to when making decisions. 

I could write forever on this topic. If you’ve come this far why not take a few more minutes and put some of this into action. Take 10 minutes and write out some of the transition points in your life. Reflect on what you learned as a result of those transitions or what you have yet to learn.

Share with me in the comments some of the transition points and lessons you have learned in your life. What are some of the lessons that you struggle to learn?

If this piece was valuable to you please share it. I’d also love to hear from you directly if you are navigating a transition in your life. Send me a note at [email protected]

Let’s Play a Game: Reason or Excuse

August 8, 2021 (updated November 30, 2021) Published by

It’s almost impossible to run 100 miles while puking and shitting your pants every 20 yards.

What the hell does that have to do with procrastination you ask? Today I am going to share with you a game that I like to play. A tool that I use to help prevent my proclivity to procrastination.

This tool is one that I was reminded of In February of 2020, right before the world shut down with a global pandemic. February destination races have become a birthday tradition for me and  Michelle. We were so excited to travel to New Zealand and visit our friends Tom and Sarah. Tom was also a runner and we would be participating in the Tarawera hundred mile ultra marathon together. It had been months of planning and a year of training. The race anticipation was strong. The course was largely runnable, with generous cutoff times. I had trained hard for this race, working with my coach and not missing many (if any) workouts. The course photos and videos I found looked stunning. The venue of Rotorua, New Zealand was rich with Maori culture, geothermal activity and gorgeous trails. 

After a challenging trip (that’s a whole other story) from Edmonton to Wellington you can imagine my dismay when Tom, whom we were staying with, ended up coming down with a nasty bug. It was just 4 days before the race in their small 2 bedroom house. I could hear him up most of the night camped out in the bathroom next to our bedroom. Oh the sounds of the sick do not set a good backdrop for a restful sleep. 

The good news was that this turned out to be a short lived bug. After 36 hours it went as quickly as it came. For me however, this was made for a terrifying countdown to race day. My mantra became “Don’t get sick, don’t get sick, don’t get sick”. I don’t think I have ever been so diligent with personal hygiene and sanitation as I was those next few days. We were careful not to share household items and did our best to sanitize everything. 

Tick tock… Three days pre race. Michelle confides in me about noon that she is starting to feel unwell. Sure enough she gets hit full on with similar symptoms as Tom. Oh crap, I’ve flown 12,000 km and busted my ass for a year training. Please stay healthy, please stay healthy, please stay healthy. 

I held out until the day before the race. I wasn’t quite laid up in the bathroom as the other two had been just yet. I tried to convince myself that it was more psychosomatic than anything real and that I could make myself better in the next 18 hours with positive thoughts. I was determined to make the 4am start line the next day. 

I woke up feeling very unwell but decided I would at least toe the line and could always pull out at the first checkpoint if needed. All of the runners filing into Te Puia, the geothermal attraction that would serve as the start line, and the excitement of the pending start started to buoy my spirits. The traditional Maori Haka that was performed just before the gun went gave me goosebumps and I really started to feel like I could make this happen.

Reason or Excuse

The race director calls for runners to turn on their headlamps and the once dark morning becomes brightly lit with hundreds of LED lights. The countdown goes, the Maori horn is blown and we’re off! I felt surprisingly good once I got moving and again started to think that this may be a real possibility despite the illness I was very clearly struck with.

The first checkpoint was only about 10km into the race and I was still feeling better than expected. My intent isn’t to make this a full race report so to make a long story short I made it as far as the fourth aid station, about 40 miles into the run, still moving but feeling awful. My stomach was so bloated it felt like it was going to burst. It was at this point that Michelle got my coach Dave on FaceTime to see if he could give me a little pep talk and keep me moving. 

When Dave hopped on the line and saw the obvious discomfort on my face he asked me “Are you in pain or just discomfort?” I thought for a moment and replied that it was discomfort, extreme discomfort but still discomfort. His reply? “You can do discomfort. Keep moving.”

So I did. Off I went. The next checkpoint was at about the halfway mark, just shy of 50 miles into the race. Somewhere between those aid stations my discomfort had made a sharp turn deep into the realm of pain. Vomiting and diarrhea forced me off the trail every 20 steps or so. I simply couldn’t keep any food down. At the next checkpoint I downed a glass of ginger ale in the hopes of settling my stomach. It didn’t work. I was unable to keep any calories in and ultimately had to quit the race.

Anytime I set out to accomplish a large goal, whether a hundred mile ultra or building a business, I know that I need to complete a series of smaller steps to get there. The hundred mile finish line or the success in business is pretty exciting and easy to get motivated about. However, much of the time it is more difficult to get excited about those small steps I need to take to get there.

This is where discipline comes into play. 

It is very easy to talk about the importance of discipline but not quite so easy to put it into practice on a regular basis. 

This little game I referenced earlier has become a very large part of many of the things that I undertake. While my game may seem extraordinarily simple, and it is, the game is really about learning to use my tendency to procrastinate, to become a trigger for action. This technique also recognizes that there is also an appropriate time for inaction. Sometimes moving forward in the wrong direction or at the wrong time can be detrimental to the achievement of our larger goals. 

As with any process there are times where I really do not at all feel like putting in the work to get me to that literal or metaphorical finish line. In the winter time when the weather is cold and wet there are many times when I would much rather stay in bed than get up and out for a training run. The same holds true for summer running. When it is so humid and hot outside I am very tempted to stay inside in my cool basement studio or an air conditioned office. 

When you start to put as many miles on as I do training for an ultramarathon, injuries become a very real possibility and something that you have to be aware of. A small nagging injury, if left unchecked or overtrained, can quickly become a race-stopping issue if one is not careful. The flip side is that there is going to be a fair bit of discomfort when training for such a massive undertaking. The challenge becomes learning to recognize the difference between discomfort and the very real road to injury. 

My experience in New Zealand was a good reminder of how to use this game to decide whether action or inaction is the appropriate response. 

Reason or Excuse

The game is something I like to call “Reason or Excuse”. You can read that in your head in a loud, booming, game show host kind of voice. 

Was my decision to quit the race that I had trained an entire year for, flown several thousand miles to participate in a valid ‘reason’ or had I manufactured an ‘excuse’ to allow me to justify quitting?

In this example I think the answer is pretty clear. Not being able to keep any calories in, which is a prerequisite for running a hundred miles, was certainly as valid a reason as any to stop. 

I remember the first time I shared this little game with Michelle. It was before one of her training runs and she was not feeling up to her run. She was trying to decide whether it might be prudent for her to take an additional rest day. I shared with her the ‘reason or excuse’ game which ultimately helped her make up her mind. She decided that her tiredness was more likely an excuse to not run rather than a valid reason to hold off till another day. 

While this little game originated for me in the realm of fitness it has become an invaluable tool that I use for all of my ‘go’ or ‘no-go’ decisions. Why aren’t you launching that new program Mike? Well because it is late June and I think that trying to promote a new program through July and August when most people are more interested in vacation rather than personal development is a poor idea. OK let’s test that against ‘reason or excuse’. 

There is certainly a lot of fear about putting out a new program that would make it very easy for me to find an excuse to procrastinate. So is summer time simply an excuse or is it a valid reason? Is it pain or is it discomfort? In the end I came to the conclusion that this was a valid reason to postpone the launch of the program. Not only do my clients enjoy taking time off in the summer time but I also should make time for myself this summer and enjoy the fruits of my 20+ years of labour and perhaps even take the summer off completely!

You may be wondering how you can distinguish between Reason or Excuse. The beautiful thing is that 99% of the time you will know intuitively. Like many things in life it is less about having the answer and more about asking the question. If you start to ask this question when you are making decisions to not take action, in 90% of the cases, you will very quickly recognize whether you have a valid reason or whether you are simply making an excuse.

So the last time you put off doing something how would it have faired if you had played Rason or Excuse? Would you be able to confirm your rationale for inaction was a valid reason or was it really just an excuse driven by something a little deeper?

Let me know where “reason or excuse” shows up in your life.

What I Learned Running 100 Miles

July 6, 2021 (updated July 6, 2021) Published by

It was July 8, 2018 and I had been running for 24 hours and more. I had covered close to 135km. The pain in my feet was excruciating. My second foot felt like it had just split open. The balls of both of my feet were now on fire. 

I still had about 5 miles before the next checkpoint. Nevermind how far I had to go before the finish line. 

But the finish line wasn’t something I could even think about at this moment. 

Relentless forward progress. 

I had to make it to the transition area 6/7 before noon if I did not want to miss the cut off time and stand to be pulled from the course. The blisters on the balls of my feet were killing me. 

I had been moving so well through the first five legs it was devastating to see how dramatically my progress had slowed. It was about 10km into leg 6 where the wheels really fell off. I had stopped to adjust my left sock and shoe to see if I could deal with the blister that now felt like it was opening up. 

I had been doing the mental math on the timing since the disco rave party aid station at checkpoint 5b at about 2am this morning. I was in good shape to make the 30 hour cutoff at that time. I knew however that at the rate I was travelling now my chances of finishing within that time frame had all but evaporated. My feet felt like I had been running on broken glass for the last few hours. I could imagine them bleeding into my socks. I knew they weren’t but based on how they felt I could certainly imagine the raw flesh oozing bodily fluids of all nastiness. Things were starting to look bleak.  

I needed a new mission. I needed a new destination, a reason to keep moving forward. Something, anything that I could grab onto and hold out hope for. As I grappled with the reality that the 30 hour finish mark was outside of my reach I also realized that once I was out on leg 7 I would be allowed to finish the race no matter how slow. The guys at CP5b had mentioned the noon cutoff for transition area 6/7 and that became my new goal. As long as I was out on leg 7 by noon I would be ok to finish at my leisure. 

After pausing to take in the beauty of the surrounding mountain scape and snap a quick picture I dialed the phone to call Michelle. As the phone started to ring my resolve crumbled and I broke down into tears. The enormity of the disappointment sinking in. Her first reaction was to ensure that I was OK, that I was safe and free from harm. I assured her that I was and resolutely stated “New plan. There is no way that I am going to make the 30 hour cutoff. You are going to get me off leg 6 by noon. I need you to bandage my feet and get me back out on course so I can finish this fucking thing.” She acknowledged the new plan and I hung up and continued on my way. 

This is why I run. This is why I do what I do. It is not for the moments of triumph for which I run but rather for the moments of adversity. I do it so that I can practice pushing through. 

As I continued to slowly move forward I received a few texts from Michelle encouraging me not to give up on the 30 hour dream. Shortly after, I received a note from my friend Steve Baker who had obviously been chatting with Michelle. He encouraged me to keep moving and not drop the dream. He told me there was still hope. 

I cursed him. 

My feet were on fire! I could barely walk, let alone run. I was starting to get annoyed with their insistence that I still had a shot at making it in under time. Did they not understand? These were some of the most painful moments of my life. I had to walk on my heels lest the balls of my feet make contact with the ground and send a bolt of pain through my body. 

Beginning of Leg 3

Then it happened. The text that set me over the edge. Michelle says “Ok, we’re going to come cheer you on at checkpoint 6C.”

All I could think about at this moment was “What the fuck do you mean you are going to come cheer me on?? I don’t need cheering on. I need you to bandage my fucking feet.” 

Fortunately I lost cell reception right about this time and rather than send back an asshole-esque response I was left to stew in my own misery for a while. I vacillated between the anger of “WTF?!? Cheer me on???” and “Mike, settle down. She’s been out here crewing your sorry ass for the last 25 hours.” 

I wasn’t thinking clearly at all and knew this all too well but I could not figure out why she had suggested that she was going to come “cheer me on” when it was clear that I needed her medical skills as an RN to bandage my badly blistered feet. 

I persisted in spite of the head trash. 

I finally pulled up to check point 6 Charlie to see Michelle and Steve there. I immediately started with the “I don’t need you to cheer me on, I need you to bandage my feet.” to which Michelle calmly replied. “You know I can’t give you aid on course or you will be disqualified.”

Cue the shame gremlins. 

“Oh right…” 

I guess I did know that. Now don’t I feel like a giant ass. Fortunately for me there was a medic at the checkpoint. So I sat down and asked him to have a look at my blisters and see if there was any way he could bandage them.

After removing my shoes and socks he and Michelle both looked at my feet. I watched him look at her with a puzzled expression. He said quietly “Those aren’t blisters… that’s trenchfoot.” 

I continued to insist that I simply needed a bandaid for my blister. 

Michelle just looked at him and shrugged “Well, let’s put a bandaid on it and send him off then”

Which is exactly what he did. He put some kind of bandage on which surely provided no relief as my feet were complete hamburger but at least it made me feel as if something were being done. The scene was surreal. I remember watching another runner, Rachelle, who I had taken training camp run by as I was putting my shoes on. Our eyes met briefly but both looked vacant. She carried on and I wondered if she still had a hope of making cut off. 

We put my socks and shoes back on and I took the last of the nutrition offered at that checkpoint and off I went. 

Huh, nope those bandages did not do a thing. My feet were still on fire and the ground was not getting any smoother. I felt every pebble and rock underfoot. Each stone felt like little razor blades shredding the bottom of my feet even further. To distract myself from the pain in the bottom of my feet I turned my attention to what I assumed was my big toenail now removed from my toe and floating haplessly in my sock. Yes, I would go on to lose four toenails that day. 

Leg 4

I had roughly an hour and a half to cross the remaining 7 kilometers to get me into the transition area 6/7 before the noon cutoff. Again, not the end of the race but simply a milestone that would allow me to keep going. Leg 7 was only about 8 miles and the easiest leg to complete by far. I had run it at training camp so I knew that once I got out on course for leg 7 I would be able to finish the whole 100 miles regardless of the time. 

The pain in my feet was unignorable. My mind started telling me stories. You know, that little devil on your shoulder that looks for the easy way out? I can picture that little demonic Mike standing there whispering in my ear. “You know Mike, if you just move a little bit slower you will miss that noon cut off and you will be done. You can sit down, have a beer and no one will think any less of you. You put in a valiant effort.” 

I have to tell you that little fucker was tempting. 

Fortunately my better angel on the other side was equally as vocal. “Dude! Are you kidding me?!? You didn’t come here to run 92 miles and get pulled off course! Move your ass!!”

I kept willing the transition area to appear but it never did. I ran (well, hobbled) the long road that weaved up and down over rolling hills. I had run the same section earlier as it was a shared section of trail coming in off leg 5. I knew it was longer than it appeared. And then I saw it. I wasn’t sure if it was a mirage or if it was reality. I saw 3 silhouettes up on top of the next ridge. Wait, was it really three? I thought it was but now there is only one. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me. I have been running for over 28 hours now so that is quite likely. 

As I got closer I realized that it was Michelle out on course walking the course in reverse to come and find me. I feared that she was going to tell me I was done. 

She did not. 

She walked along beside me as I hobbled and I remember saying “I’ve got nothing left” to which she replied “yes you do. It’s only about 250 meters up the road then we turn down the hill into the TA (transition area). You’ve got 15 minutes til the cutoff. Let’s go.”

As I wrestled with my mental discipline I recalled a conversation I had with Dave Proctor earlier that year. Dave is a world record holder, ultra marathon runner and someone who has become a friend. In one of our conversations Dave had said “The mind only knows two things… the words that we tell it and the pictures that we draw for it.” 

As those words came to me I realized that the only way I was going to complete this thing was to drop that story of “I’ve got nothing left” and turn that into “I’ve got a little bit left”

I sighed and kept moving. After I walked what must have been a good 500 meters with still no transition area in sight I said “This isn’t 250 meters” Michelle simply said “Well… you know I’m not that good with distance…”

Instantly deflated I said “I’ll never make it in time”

“Well, here’s the thing. I kinda lied to you about the time as well. You’ve got 22 minutes left as of now so MOVE YOUR ASS Cameron!”

So I did. 

Over the ridge and down the last hill into the transition area. I came in with 9 minutes to spare before the cut off. Eager to take a seat and get some rest I started moving toward a nearby chair. Before I got there I was intercepted by my run friend Steve Baker and Michelle who stripped off my pack, wiped me down, refilled my water and loaded me back up. Maybe 2 minutes total in transition Michelle said “Steve is going to pace you in on the last leg”. Just like that we were out on leg 7 moving toward the finish line. The leg that took me one hour and 45 minutes at training camp took me over 3 hours to complete that day. Poor Steve has never moved that slow in his entire life. 

The pain in my feet was immense however the feeling of crossing that finish line was incredible. I was almost two hours over the cutoff time but I had finished. I had completed my very first 100 mile race. 

As I came down that final stretch I looked out to see that Brian, the race director, had left the finishers arch up for me and was standing there at the finish line. There were also close to a dozen of my run friends that had also made the trek back to the finish line 2 hours after the cutoff to cheer me in.

The feeling was incredible. I had recorded a lot of video footage that day and Michelle made sure to have someone capture the finish on camera. She also had the presence of mind to ask me how I felt on camera. My reply was a jovial “I feel like I just ran 100 miles!”. It is pretty amazing to be able to go back and revisit that moment caught on camera. 

I had struggled, I had suffered, I had persevered. 

Ultimately I had endured. I have never put myself through anything more challenging than those last 10 miles or so. Frankly I really did not know if I would be able to do it at the time. But I did. We did. Michelle and I had done it together and it was now time for a beer! There is no question in my mind that this was a team effort. This was not something I could have done alone. 

So when you ask me why I run stupid long distances, the answer is two words. “Controlled adversity” I put myself in these circumstances of discomfort in order to practice resilience in environments where there is an out. It is about practicing in the calm to prepare for the storm. No matter how calm the waters at the present moment we know that at some point in time there will be a storm. 

Our ability to weather the storms that life throws us is directly related to how much effort we put into preparing when the seas are calm. For me ultramarathons are a fantastic way to build not only physical fitness but to really practice that mental resilience that we don’t always get challenged.  

While you may not be prepared to run 100 miles to practice your resilience I suspect that there are many small opportunities that life provides you to practice resilience that you may not be leveraging to their full potential. So my question for you is this. Where can you use your everyday challenges as opportunities to practice in the calm to prepare for the storm?

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