Short: Why Men Have A Responsibility In The Prevention Of Violence Against Women

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Guys, I need to have a frank convo with you. When it comes to violence against women #notallmen is NOT OK.

Until we can say “NO MEN”, we all have some work to do. In October of 2015 my girlfriend was murdered by an ex boyfriend and I have been working hard to move the needle towards “no men” ever since.

There was a time when I used to say things like “Think of your… daughter, mother, sister, wife” but even that is a problem. As my partner Michelle wisely pointed out, why do we have to make it about us and “our” women before we care? This is a problem in an of itself.

So let me try this another way. For decades we have known that smoking causes cancer. We have known that it is terrible for our societal health. We have targeted campaigns at smokers urging them to quit. We have spent millions of gov’t funds promoting this because we know ultimately it will save us money in health care.

Now I get that not all smokers will get cancer. I get that not everyone will choose to smoke. Somehow though, unless I missed it there hasn’t been a big refrain of #notallsmokers

Another example I saw recently was around drunk driving. We understand how devastating drunk driving can be and we spend millions (billions??) promoting messages to ALL drivers to not drink and drive. Again I have not seen big push back with #notalldrivers

So guys why do we feel the need to spend our energy defending #notallmen when really our hashtag should be #untilnomen For me I will continue to have the conversation until it is no men who jeopardize the safety of any woman in our society. I will continue to be as best an ally as I possibly can in the meantime guys understand this,

women don’t need our help, they just need us to take care of our own shit.

So please, please, please before we say #notallmen can we please take a good hard look in the mirror?

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