A lot of people are terrified that Artificial Intelligence is going to make humans obsolete.
Honestly? I think the opposite is true.
What AI is doing—faster than most people realize—is commodifying intelligence. And when something becomes commodified, its value drops. That’s not a philosophical statement; it’s basic economics.
For most of human history, specialized knowledge was rare. If you knew something others didn’t, you could charge a premium for it. Today? Knowledge is everywhere. It’s searchable, scannable, accessible, and increasingly automated.
Intelligence used to be an advantage.
Now it’s table stakes.
So if intelligence no longer distinguishes us, what does?
Competence.
Competence is the bridge between “I know it” and “I can live it.”
Between theory and practice.
Between information and transformation.
And nowhere is this gap more obvious, or more costly, than in leadership.
The Intelligence Trap: When Knowing Isn’t Doing
Let’s take a simple example: golf.
You can watch every tutorial, read every book, hire the best coach, and understand the biomechanics of a perfect swing down to the angle of your wrist. You can have 100% “golf intelligence.”
But until you’ve hit thousands of balls—until you’ve shanked a few into the trees, sliced your fair share into the water, and corrected your stance over and over—you remain an intelligent golfer who can’t actually golf.
The same is true in leadership.
For decades, we’ve been talking about Emotional Intelligence (EI).
It entered mainstream leadership circles in the mid-90s thanks to Daniel Goleman’s work. Since then, nearly every leadership workshop, coaching program, and HR competency model includes EI.
Most leaders can define self-awareness.
Most can explain the importance of empathy.
Many will proudly tell you EI is their strength.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Emotional intelligence isn’t the problem.
Emotional competence is.
I’ve worked with countless leaders who can speak eloquently about EI, quote Goleman, reference Barrett, and rattle off the theory perfectly—yet when the pressure hits, their behaviour tells a completely different story.
They can describe vulnerability but avoid it.
They can explain empathy but default to judgment.
They can talk about self-regulation but send the reactive email anyway.
They “know” EI, but they don’t live EI.
The result?
They are emotionally intelligent—but emotionally incompetent.
And that distinction matters more than ever.
Why the Gap Matters (Especially Now)
AI can already do the “intelligent” part better than we can.
It can:
- process information at scale
- identify patterns
- summarize content
- generate ideas
- provide information instantly
But it cannot:
- sit with discomfort
- navigate conflict
- connect deeply
- build trust
- regulate emotions
- listen without trying to fix
- create psychological safety
- inspire human beings
In other words:
AI can think—but it can’t connect.
And connection is where leadership actually happens.
The leaders who thrive in the future won’t be the ones who know the most.
They’ll be the ones who can practice the most.
They’ll be the ones who can turn theory into lived behaviour.
The Theory–Practice Gap: Why We Struggle
We like information because it feels safe.
Learning feels productive.
Reading about emotional intelligence feels like progress.
Going to leadership seminars feels like growth.
But competence happens in moments, not in modules.
Practice requires:
- discomfort
- repetition
- awareness
- humility
- showing up even when you don’t feel like it
- failing, and trying again
This is why the leap from emotional intelligence to emotional competence is so hard:
Competence is inconvenient.
It’s far easier to say, “I know this already,” than to sit with the truth that you haven’t actually practiced it.
So How Do We Build Emotional Competence?
The answer isn’t complicated.
We practice.
Deliberately.
Daily.
And we start with the most foundational skill of all:
Practice: Observation & Emotional Granularity
Everything begins with awareness.
Without awareness, there is no choice.
Without choice, there is no competence.
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s research on Emotional Granularity shows that people who can name their emotions with greater precision are far better at regulating them. They experience less stress, less anxiety, and greater resilience.
So here’s your challenge for this week:
The Observation Practice
- Once a day, pause and notice an emotion that showed up.
(A reaction, a mood shift, a tightening in the chest—anything.) - Name it.
Not “good” or “bad.” Actual emotion words. - Add four more words.
Stretch your vocabulary: irritated, curious, tense, hopeful, uneasy, proud, overwhelmed, content. - Don’t fix it. Just observe it.
Observation is the first act of emotional competence.
It sounds simple.
But simple does not mean easy.
And easy does not mean ineffective.
This tiny practice builds the muscle that separates competent leaders from merely intelligent ones.
The Bottom Line
In a world where intelligence is abundant, competence becomes rare—and therefore valuable.
AI may out-think us.
But it can’t out-practice us.
It can’t out-connect us.
It can’t out-human us.
Emotional competence isn’t a soft skill.
It’s a survival skill.
It’s a leadership skill.
And it is one of the few things AI can never replicate.
So ask yourself:
“Where am I emotionally intelligent… but not yet emotionally competent?”
And then start practicing.
Let me know what came up for you.
